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In the East Village, Prune is usually the Valentine’s Day go-to. Each year, chef Gabrielle Hamilton – who wrote the book about the ways of the heart – conjures up prix-fixe menus inspired by past loves (you can see last year’s here; this year’s three menus will range from $55 to $125). If the two remaining reservations (at time of writing) have been snatched up by the time you read this, you may want to consider these other distinctly East Village ideas. The first one happens tonight, because really – who cares about celebrating on the day-of, anyway?

Instead of a movie…
Hit U.C.B.East for “David Lynch’s Blue Velvetine’s Day” tonight at 10 p.m. If it’s half as bizarre as Mr. Lynch’s film, “Blue Velvet,” it will definitely make for interesting post-date conversation. Tickets are $5.

Instead of a museum date…
Head to the Dorian Grey Art Gallery for “The Dandy’s New York.” The photography and mixed-media tribute to offbeat trendsetter Patrick McDonald will be open through March 4^, and admission is free.

Instead of a spa day…
Go to the Russian and Turkish Baths. The recently refurbished baths have offered spa-like services since 1892. Tuesdays are coed, so don’t forget your shorts. The entrance fee is $35.

Instead of a play…
See 30 of them. Every Friday and Saturday night at 10:30 p.m. at the Kraine Theater, the Neo-Futurists perform “Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind.” Also called “TMLMTBGB,” this frantic roulette of 30 plays in 60 minutes is tweaked every week, and interactions with the audience make every night unique. Tickets are $11 plus the roll of a six-sided die, in keeping with the rakish tilt of the whole evening.

Instead of the opera…
See the neighborhood’s trailblazing saxophonist and composer, John Zorn, lead his annual Valentine’s Day improv marathon at the Stone. Among other musicians, Dave Douglas will blow the horn and Ikue Mori will get ethereal with electronics. Admission for the epic 8 p.m. set is $25 and capacity is limited to 75, so show up early and have some standing-in-line chatter planned.

If the holiday ends up being a bust (despite our excellent suggestions)…
Soothe yourself with some verbose nudity at “Naked Girls Reading: Valentine’s Day Hangover,” at Under St. Marks on Feb. 15. The ladies promise tales of how love really feels, without all the plastic romance. Tickets are $20, or two for $35 if you bring company.