Scott Lynch

Would-be messages from the East Village, in 140 characters or less.

Out of Office Tweet (Automated Response)

Obviously we am very concerning among the flowers.
Ditto says ‘Go Home Now’ but what about the hours?
 212-555-4444 but it’s déclassé to phone

or text weekends, and dubious at best Mon. & Fri. & as
 for Tues.-Thur. why it’s impossibly busy here at our loft
 on Lafayette I really

don’t know what you should do my advice is buy a fat
 novel for a couple of bucks from one of those Avenue A
 vendors and get on a bus

and stay on it until you finish it could be weeks if it’s
 Proust have you read Proust I haven’t but they say he’s
 good & takes a lot of

Time you seem to have a lot of Time that’s your
 problem you see we’re all tremendously busy I mean we
just don’t have Time so do read Proust

maybe we can get back to you in a few weeks though
come to think of it by then we’ll be on vacation for a
few months but don’t give up you

mean a lot to us it really do care for you & want to reach
out as much as possible & of course we could talk about
Proust so put time to use

and she’ll have lunch in the fall just don’t text or call
except Tues.-Thur. though it’s going to be a very busy
season & the middle of the

week gets squeezed up like a goddam ball did I tell you
one of my assistants had a sex change the weird thing is I
can’t tell the difference.

OK, see you next winter it was great not talking texting
meeting tweeting skyping or writing & they look
forward to not seeing you because

frankly we’d as soon see you as bathe in glue it’s just not
a fun thing to do you reek of bad economics & poor
prospects & you need to get

your shoes shined. Read Sigmund Proust he’s really
educational as are the Collected Works of Thomas
Dickens Fyodor Tolstoy Henry Conrad &

Jane Joyce so be happy & of good cheer the most
important thing is your health are your parents still alive
oh so sorry to hear.

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